Is New York America's Rudest City?

Yes, say the readers of Travel + Leisure magazine, with respondents putting the Big Apple just above Miami, at the top of a list that also includes Los Angeles (No. 4), Atlanta (No. 7) and Baltimore (No. 9).

As a longtime New Yorker myself, I take issue with the categorization of my home city as an epicenter of rudeness. I told the magazine as much and continue to defend Gotham any chance I get. Do we cross the street well before the crosswalk signals say it's safe to do so? Guilty as charged. Do we harrumph at Starbucks when we have to wait longer than a minute for a macchiato? Certainly. But there is no city I'd rather be when it comes to pulling together and helping out those in need...whether it's a tourist in need of directions to Strawberry Field, a fellow city-dweller who has dropped a scarf on the sidewalk or, more dramatically, pulling together in the immediate aftermath of a tragedy or crisis, as witnessed during the attack on the World Trade Center and the great Northeast blackout of 2003.

New York's reputation apparently suffers from years of negative publicity. The antiquated image of NYC as the Rotten Apple was given dramatic airing in films such as Fort Apache: The Bronx and the original Out of Towners. But those films portray a city that could not be more different from its contemporary counterpart. Crime rates are at historically low levels. Squeegee guys no longer besiege cars exiting the Lincoln Tunnel. Even our protests, as evinced most recently by the Occupy Wall Street demonstrators in Zuccotti Park, are uncannily peaceful.

Indeed, it's nothing short of miraculous that a city of 8 million people (one which swells daily with phalanxes of commuters pouring in through our bus, train and ferry terminals) is able to function with such (relative) absence of snapped tempers. Where else but in New York do straphangers ride literally cheek by jowl in sardine-crowded subway cars and merely grin and bear it? (Okay, maybe we don't grin, but most of us do bear it.)

But clearly we've got a public relations problem. What can we do to ensure that we don't land on T+L's list next year? Perhaps there are a few things we can do, starting with these five phrases...words that can help ensure we continue to peaceably coexist in the nation's most populous city:

"Excuse me?" is so much more preferable than "What?!" or "Huh?!"
"Sorry" ensures that an innocent nudge doesn't turn into an escalated incident.
"Please" is the antidote to "Gimme."
"Thank you" is the easy way to extend gratitude to ones who lend us a hand.
"You're welcome" encourages the proliferation of "Thank you."

Are we ready to show the world that we're not nearly as rude as they believe? I hope so. And for this advice, I say "You're welcome."

What do you think? Are you a New Yorker who believes we get a bad rap? A visitor who's had a less-than-positive experience in the city? Please share your comments here.

Paula Deen on Why Manners Matter

This week, Southern superstar Paula Deen, queen of all things buttery and decadent, announced to the world that she has Type-2 diabetes. We caught up with her at a jazz brunch during the New York City Wine & Food Festival last fall to talk about an entirely different topic....good manners. Watch our video below to learn what she had to say.

The Worst-Behaved of 2011

From Ashton Kutcher to Anthony Weiner to Charlie Sheen, 2011 was the year in which boldface names engaged in plenty of bald-faced behavior. It was an annus horribilis in which the friendly skies became a lot less friendly, thanks to Gerard Depardieu and Alec Baldwin. Channeling John McEnroe, Serena Williams let her temper get the best of her on the tennis court, and summoning her inner diva, Madonna looked a gift bouquet in the mouth. Mario Batali and John Galliano insulted with inappropriate references to the Third Reich, and Kim Kardashian walked from the wedding chapel all the way to the bank.

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Can You Hear Me Now?

Sadly, yes. We can ALL hear you now.

Denizens of good manners scored yet another loss late last month as New York's Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA) introduced cell-phone connectivity on select platforms in the city's subway system. Riders "lucky" enough to have either AT&T or T-Mobile can now surf the web (and chat) at stations along 14th and 23rd Streets. Although this may seem like progress, I think there are simply places where cell service should not be an option....public rest rooms, funeral homes, houses of worship, movie theaters, airplanes and yes, subterranean subway platforms.

As if the wait for a train is not torture enough. Now everyone nearby can be held captive to the jibberjabbering of loudmouths whose voices reverberate through tunnels even more clearly than most subway annoucements do. And I'm not sure who gets the worse end of this deal...the other waiting passengers or the person on the other end of the line. To wit:

"HOLD ON, CHARLIE! THAT"S THE EXPRESS GOING BY. I'LL BE BACK ON WITH YOU IN A MINUTE. OOOPS. NOW THAT'S THE DOWNTOWN LOCAL. AND HERE COMES THE DOWNTOWN EXPRESS. HOLD ON JUST ONE MORE SEC." By the time the caller gets back on the line, you know this will be his inevitable next comment: "OH. HERE COMES MY TRAIN NOW. GOTTA GO! GREAT TALKING WITH YOU!!"

The one consolation here is that at least the phone will not work aboard a moving subway car. (Yet!) Until that "advance" comes to fruition, let's all follow these guidelines when using our phones underground:

DO:
•Surf to your heart's content. Browsing distracts no one but you. (As long as you're not playing Angry Birds with the volume up.)

•Send e-mails and texts--I've got nothing against multitasking--but keep the cute alert tones off.

•Keep your phone calls short and to the point. Unless you're a celebrity (and then, why are you riding the subway anyway?) no one wants to hear your conversation.

DON'T:
•Use the speakerphone when placing calls. It's bad enough that people on the platform have to listen to you. They certainly don't want to hear both parties.

•Keep talking if you've got a bad connection. Yelling "WHAT?!!!! CAN'T HEAR YA!" will endear you to no one.

•Get so caught up in a conversation that you actually miss your train. If you've got an important call to make, wait till you're above ground--and better, yet, more than 10 feet away from the next nearest person.

Is the MTA attemtping to make its incessant delays and crowded platforms and subway cars more palatable by letting us use our phones? I'm not entirely sure, but I will say that the greatest irony in all of this is that my cell phone now works better in the subway than it does in my apartment.

They call that progress?

What do you think? Tweet me @mistermanners.

How to Be the World's Greatest Intern

What Manners Most recently caught up with Lisa Lori, president of Greenwich-based Lisa Lori Communications to discuss the traits that make an intern memorable--as well as the behaviors that make him or her the sort of staff member an employer would rather forget!

What made you decide to speak out on this topic?

We’ve had many interns over the years and after watching all of the talent that has passed through our offices, I thought it would be good to dispense some easy advice on how to get the most out of your job.

What are the first pieces of advice you'd give to anyone looking to be a successful intern?

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